Daddy Thinks: of music. TOOL: Fear Inoculum (single)

Here is the first actual part of Daddy Thinks: of music. This text was originally written in Finnish and published on my FB wall and done pretty fast as to reflect some of my first emotions of the single release. It doesn’t have pretty much anything to do with the actual lyrics and story that’s been told in the tune I guess, but more with my personal thoughts and mental images. It took me some two weeks from release to actually dare to listen the song for the first time and I did it in a kind of “Morning After” state of mind and body and I got to say: while my feelings were mixed and contradictory I was hooked.

Though I originally wrote just a little bit about the former albums, I must apologize that I left the Undertow and Ænima almost without a remark. Undertow is a great debut album: powerful, rough and unpolished jewel, filled with anger and enthusiasm of adolescence. Æenima: there would be tons of words to write about it. It must be the one TOOL album I’ve listened the most. It’s a remarkable and refined example of how a group of musicians evolve together and still retain the “edge” and roughness of what was presented with the Undertow. It’s a starting point to the tale of human growth and awakening that is still being told today with the Fear Inoculum.

As with growing as a human being, which is a process that will last a whole life time, I truly hope that the tale the TOOL is telling us will last at least as long.

*******

What is this? Senior Rock? So familiar in a pleasant and irritating way. Soundscape is beautiful, etheric, dripping with mysticism of yesterday, but also lazy. There are some errors present in musical presentation. Have the Seniors grown tired? I know I have, so why wouldn’t they.

Saturn came back again and went. That moment has long since passed in my life and there is yet a lot of time for the next rising phase. I wasn’t ready then, but now this album release fits perfectly with my self awakening in the midst of the numbing chaos of parental mid-life. Coincidence?

Hyped by the Fear Inoculum (single) I waded through the former albums; Undertow, Aenima and Lateralus. Their pace is something very different but so is mine; my step has shortened since then.

10.000 days has always eluded me. It still hasn’t revealed itself to me and is beyond my understanding. This might be because it was released in the worst possible moment for me, while my life was turbulent and amids a painful but beautiful change. I wonder if now, when the journey of life have taken me to my fifth decade, I could reach some insight I never did before. Lateralus is a diamond. It’s a star brighter than anything and a beautiful tale of human growth. Nothing will ever transcend it. Never.

Then there’s the present: are we now in a space and time, where individual growth has reached a some kind of culmination point and made the individual content? Maybe inner peace gives permission for a human to slow down, stop. When gazed through the eyes of an outside observer he might be seen as an uncle flubby. As the one who doesn’t storm the barricade anymore. As the one who still feels gut gripping nausea inside of him when he is presented by images of victimization and disinformation by the flashing media in front of him. But instead of raising up his fist he just curses this broken and incomplete world inside his mind and lays on the sofa. Pleased by the state of his own life and what it has become. Pleased by the peace he has achieved, all the while understanding that the world will never be complete. Because there are billions of tales of growth in process and his brother on the other side of our tiny cosmic ball of rock is still clinging to the grudge, wearing it like a crown. Maybe till the day he dies.

He looks back to the time when he left his mark in this world. Screamed and raged against the machine. He looks at his kids, growing up, who until now have only seen black and white. He waits impatiently for the moment when red and yellow will join the colours and his posterity will experience the same awakening that he once did. The awakening that will shatter their hearts and minds: the bitterness of life, sense of justification, burning feeling of a righteous cause, love and loss. All that will break them apart and build their identity.

He lays on the sofa and paints his life into music with chords and harmonies decorated with words and images of a mind. He organizes his life to mathematical formulae which are sweet, etheric and lazy. There is no need to search for a greater meaning from the movement of the planets anymore. Not from ancient religions, nor from morbid greyish alien hands reaching out through the surrounding multidimensions. It is all in him already and he is within it all. In harmony, his place discovered and without Fear. Because he knows that universe will organize itself just like it should.

23/09/2019 DT

*******

Heartfelt thanks to:

Becky Smith, for helping with grammar, content and structure!

Laura Collins, for inspiration and encouragement! (instagram: https://instagram.com/ljcshutter/)

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